As a proud, or should we say, surprisingly prude nation of 1.3 billion people, it’s evident that we have an awful lot of sex. Thus, it’s a fair assumption to make that having sex itself isn’t an issue for Indians — it’s how we have sex that’s incredibly problematic.
No pun intended, but get a load of this: according to a survey, over 72% of married women claimed that they’re not satisfied with their sex lives. And if you ask us, we’re certain the number in much higher than that.
Why, you ask? Sue us for making a sweeping statement, but the word on the street is that while Indian men do struggle with foreplay, they’re largely clueless when it comes to another important aspect of sex: afterplay.
For the uninformed, afterplay involves indulging in intimate activity post sex, which helps forge a connection or an emotional bond.
And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why as well. For starters, lack of sex education in schools is a very serious issue, which means most Indian men grow up having no idea what a woman’s body actually looks like.
In fact, many go decades without even knowing that most women need clitoral stimulation, and not penetration, to orgasm — and that is if they know what a clitoris is to begin with!
That means, the average Indian man has to learn everything about sex in one of two ways: pornography, or trial and error. Therein lies another issue, because mainstream pornography is written to cater to — and at times, shape — a straight man’s sexual desires.
However, ask anyone who’s been with a partner and they’ll promptly tell you, making love is nothing like what’s depicted in mainstream porn.
The result? Sex, for men, becomes an act meant to serve two selfish purposes: a quick way to cum, or well, reproduction.
Sheetal Yadav, a 26-year-old sales executive, says, “Having shared stories of sexual encounters with a few of my friends, I can safely say that the idea of afterplay is non-existent in most Indian men.
“A women needs affection post sex. It could be cuddles, pillow talk, kissing, fondling, gentle clitoral stimulation, or even just lying there and discussing the sex you just had. In fact, anything is better than rolling over and falling asleep, or worse, texting your bros, which quite frankly is a huge turn off.”
Manali Mehta, a 24-year-old copywriter, echoes Sheetal’s sentiments on the matter. “One of the most beautiful things about sex as a woman is that we can cum multiple times. But the way things go, though, we’re lucky if we cum at all,” she quips.
“One look at Dr Mahindra Watsa’s column is enough to tell you the extent of an Indian’s knowledge about sex. The truth is, for men, foreplay boils down to getting a blowjob, and afterplay is basically lending half a ear to what you’re saying while literally snacking, messaging, or playing a game on the smartphone.
“It doesn’t even have to be about love, or feelings, or an emotional connection — it’s about respecting your partner enough to spend some more moments in bed with them. And if my unfortunate experiences are anything to go by, that simply does not exist as a concept in their minds.”
The point we’re trying to make here is that it’s criminal to abandon your partner after sex. Instead of picking your phone up or heading to the kitchen, talk about the sex you just had.
Or better yet, kiss them, hold them, or just stay with them for a while. And if they’re still in the mood, helping them finish off again isn’t all that bad an idea either!
Doing so will ensure your partner doesn’t feel disowned, which will go a long way in improving the overall sexual experience for both partners. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what a healthy sexual relationship is all about?
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