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Are You Stuck Between Your Best Friend & Your Bae?

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Are You Stuck Between Your Best Friend & Your Bae?

How to find the balance between two of your most significant relationships

Life is going great — friends, crushes, shopping etc., and then you hop on to an exciting new chapter, the love life. Movie dates, making out, and doing romantic little things for one another: everything seems great! Until your best friend taps your shoulder and reminds you, ‘hey, I’m still here.’

This is a fairly common scenario. You start dating someone, but your best friend doesn’t necessarily get along with them. Or, they don’t wish to hang out with your bae every time they meet you.

An upcoming Bollywood flick, Sonu Ke Titu Ki Sweety, discusses this very topic, and many millennials will relate to it.

So, what do you do when it comes to bromance vs romance, or sisters before misters?

As you start spending more time with your new SO and perhaps even share all your problems and secrets with them, your friend, who was your go-to person all this while, is caught off guard and suddenly feels left out.

What’s worse, if your bestie disapproves of your partner and thinks that he or she is not good enough for you, you’re going to be stuck in a very awkward situation.

The Blame Game

When you start seeing someone, you want to spend all your time with them (understandably so) and you might not be too keen on catching up with your bud. But this could lead to an ugly blame game.

While the friend ends up blaming the new entry of the beau for causing a drift between bffs, the lover accuses the friend of being too territorial. 

And you, you poor soul, stand there wishing that they got along with each other, or at least understood that both of them hold an important place in your life.

Ritu Malhotra (27), a freelance beautician, found herself in a similar dilemma. She shares, “The problem isn’t where to go, but who to go with. There came a point when I didn’t want to go out at all. I didn’t want to upset either my best friend or my boyfriend.”

How to Find the Balance

There’s no point sweeping the issue under the rug. Assuming that either your friend or your bae will “understand” and let go, is the worst mistake you could make.

Now, you don’t want to let go of either of your relationships, right? Here’s how you can handle it smartly and strike a balance:

(1) Prioritise: There are times when you have to spend time with your girl/guy, and at other times, you have got to be with your friend. For instance, keep Saturday night for the bae and Sunday brunch for the bff. More importantly, do not include your bae in every plan that you make with your friend.

(2) Find Common Ground: They might never like each other but they could co-exist, you know! The best way to do this is by finding things that both of them happen to enjoy, say, bowling? Or a football game? Or an unlimited sushi dinner?

(3) Walk the Talk: Ultimately, you have to get them together and talk it out. Keep it casual, and tell them how much they both mean to you. You could also perhaps volunteer to find your bestie a nice date!

As PG student Simarjeet Gulati (23) says, “In this entire conflict, only you will lose. Thus, it’s you who has to take that extra effort to put things back in line.”

So ensure that your friend never feels like the third wheel and that your partner never feels neglected. If these relationships are important to you, it’s your job to maintain them. Give it time — things will fall into place.

How would you handle such a situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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A wife, a mother and a blogger and has gradually managed to handle all three together (though not without coffee). Shilpa is keen on pursuing her lost dream of becoming a writer. She likes to eat and wants to reduce at the same time.

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