It’s no secret: the parent-child dynamic is rarely easy. It doesn’t help that our films portray it as being all rosy and perfect. However, you and I know that it is not so black and white IRL. Parents can drive you crazy at times, right? Yet, these are the people who are responsible for your very existence.
It is perfectly alright to have a love-hate relationship with your parents. In fact, with all the differences and conflicts, it would be weird not to.
They Just Don’t Get Us!
If you feel like your parents don’t get you, you’re not alone. As is the case with most parents of millennials, there’s bound to be differences between our opinions and theirs.
We’re all grown up, but they just don’t stop babying us! (Come to think of it, we’ll always be their babies, right?). Many parents have serious control issues. To them, we will always be their little kid who needs constant guidance and direction.
What’s more; guilt trips are the most effective tool in their arsenal to get you to do things their way, you know, emotional atyachaar! Whether or not you give in, you end up feeling unhappy and resentful. So it is only natural to dislike your parents whenever they manipulate you with comparison, tears, threats, and the classic: log kya kahenge?
No matter what our parents say or do, it comes from a place of love and caring. But it can become a problem when it goes too far. When personal choices like what to study and who to marry are made for you, there is room for little other than indignation and rebellion.
But It’s Not All Bad
Our parents are far from perfect, but they do love us unconditionally. As much as our friends get us, a lot of them are not going to stick around when we need them most. Despite all the drama, it is our parents who are our forever supporters.
In a world of umpteen instant, and let’s face it, blind likes, they keep us grounded.
Chennai-based B.Com student Vrushti Mehta, 18, agrees. “Even though you shout at your parents or vice versa, they will ultimately support you. Your parents, who once objected to your dreams, will encourage you to follow your passion in the long run. Fights are common, but that doesn’t break the bond between parents and their children.
“Like when I write something which gets appreciated by my friends and professors, I excitedly show it to my dad. He tells me I need to improve a lot and asks me to try my hand at different genres. After some months, when I go back to him, he praises my hard work and even edits it for me. His criticism is the reason I improve.”
Still, it won’t hurt to make your relationship healthier. Here are a few tips:
(1) Firstly, accept that the generation gap is real. As hard as you try, it is never going to vanish. You and your parents grew up with a very different set of personal and cultural values. Instead of wasting time trying to convert them to your school of thought, try to understand their POV and talk to them in a relatable manner.
(2) If even now they can’t see things your way, respectfully explain to them that you are entitled to make your own decisions. Explain to them why your decision is right for you. Let them know that even if you fail, you will be accountable for it — not them.
(3) Some parents take years to come round to accept their child’s life choices. And some never do. Try to go easy on them in either case. They always did what they were told out of respect, so it’s hard for them to not see your actions as disrespect. Steer away from tough conversations on loop, by being firm yet polite.
Whatever you do (or don’t do), never forget that at the end of the day, your parents will always be there for you. And on occasions when you can’t stand them, there’s no need to feel too badly about it — they might not be too fond of you at the time either!
What kind of a relationship do you have with your parents? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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