It goes without saying: life is a lot better with friends. But of course, not just anyone will do. As with most things in life, there are rules — rules that decide whether the people you call friends are real or not. Of course, the same rules apply to you too.
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not all black and white. Apart from the obvious, there are a lot of nuances that make one cross over from good buddy to bad buddy.
Allow this post to help you understand what makes a bad friend.
1. The one who doesn’t respect boundaries:
This is a person who has a hard time accepting differing tastes, opinions, and choices.
For example, if they want to meet up but you don’t, as you need some alone time, they will not give up without a fight. They will try and guilt you into going out, and if it doesn’t work, will unleash a string of insults on you or try to guilt trip you.
This kind of controlling behaviour will most definitely extend to just about any other situation, including your love life, career, etc. With this kinda friend, it will happen repeatedly and you will always be at the receiving end of unsolicited advice.
2. The one you have to chase all the time:
From texting to hanging out, you are the one who is constantly making an effort to stay in touch. Sure, they will reply to you and you might even be close, but it will almost always be you initiating an interaction.
They will tend to flake on you, even ghost you without a good reason at times.
Even if you explicitly tell them that this hurts you, they will come up with some lousy line like, ‘don’t take it personally, you know I am terrible at keeping in touch.’
3. The one who promises but hardly ever delivers:
When you are going through a rough patch, this dude will pinky promise that they will be by your side till things get better. However, this will probably be the only time they will bother to reach out to you.
At best, they will check in with you after a few months — just for the sake of showing that they care. In reality, they probably don’t. Unless they are emotionally constipated!
4. The one who doesn’t bother to know you at all:
There’s more to life than parties and holidays, right? Try telling that to your shallow buddy.
This fellow doesn’t know for sure how many people are there in your immediate family, let alone your relationship (or lack thereof) with them. However, they know all the details about your last shopping trip.
What’s the best way to fix all these issues? A heart-to-heart is not only the most obvious solution; it is also the most effective. Sometimes, people cannot understand how their actions affect you until you spell it out for them.
Being a Better Friend
Working on any relationship takes time, and we are busy beings. It’s hard to be there for anyone when there’s so much to do.
Chennai-based developer Sneha Sampath, 23, shares her solution to this problem.
“You have to learn to balance your work and personal life. The other day, I was caught up in a production issue and it was a really hectic day. I got a call from a friend telling me that he was not doing good. I quickly left early to see him.
“It was hard for me to get away, but I had to be there when he needed me. And I was eventually able to resolve the issue at work. So yeah, be there for your amigos no matter what!”
Makes sense. After all, friends are just as important as family. Still, don’t sweat it if you mess up once in a while. At the end of the day, we are all flawed beings struggling to make a living, fulfil responsibilities, and make time for some R&R.
Naturally, very few of us can live up to the pristine ‘salt of the earth friendship’ depicted in literature and pop culture.
That said, we can surely make an effort to be better friends, and thus, better people. We owe that much to ourselves and our homies, don’t we?
Image Credit: ImagesBazaar