Technology has taken over our lives. As millennials, we do have hazy memories of childhoods spent skinning our knees in playgrounds, memorizing landline numbers, and flip phones blowing our pre-teen minds.
The generations after us, though, might actually soon be born with gadgets in the womb. They’re close enough already; most ten-year-olds have cooler iPads than yours.
The wave of technology in the last two decades has led to scores of characters that didn’t even have the platform to exist back in good ol’ 1996. (That’s 20 years ago. Let that sink in.)
We’re listing down some of the more *interesting* ones that you can find on social media and IRL.
The fashion blogger/ Instagram model
These are the creatures that were told they’re exceptionally beautiful while in school, and now spend their days getting friends with DSLRs to take pictures of them for free.
They are experts in flat-lays and pairing 300-rupee pants from Lokhandwala with Forever 21 crop tops and midi rings, while posting filler pictures of obscure products that are totally not poorly disguised endorsements. They rather look a little like this.
The online content expert
This one can be found at every Starbucks outlet at any time of the day. They’ll be pretty easy to spot too; in a visible corner with a conspicuously placed Macbook, a cup of coffee they’ve been nursing for three hours, and an expression of careful superiority.
You’ll also spot them hunched over their laptops, typing furiously while their deadlines casually pass them by. These are the ones that usually work from home but have crawled out to break the monotony, and now wonder why they sold their souls to clickbait entertainment.
The sports commentweeter
No matter what you do, there’s always one on your feed. This one will give blow-by-blow accounts and expert commentary on what seems like every match of every sport being played, sometimes simultaneously.
All of this, of course, is delivered to all 42 of their followers and the PR staff of the athletes they keep tagging.
The newsfeed gym junkie
Before the internet existed, you only really encountered these on the treadmill next to you. But now you’ll find these pumped up humanoid protein shakes all over your newsfeed, even if the last time you saw the inside of a gym was January 2, 2009.
Their sole purpose in life seems to be to flex smugly at their reflections, complain loudly about #legday, put up multiple posts in impractical clothing about how they’re a part of #fitfam, and being the living embodiment of the phrase “Do you even lift, bro?”
The Youtube commenter.
The Youtube commenter can be found in the dregs of every video, even the most innocuous ones. They glory in picking fights in the comments section, by lobbing one statement peppered with bad grammar into the void, knowing there will be others who will take the bait.
Thus they begin online arguments, spewing mildly loose shit in every direction, hopefully achieving a savage satisfaction at wasting everyone else’s time. Sometimes, though, they’re actually really fucking funny. Take a look at these, if you will.